→ the bridges keep on burning

[ourshinycity]

It had seemed so real.

His heart was racing. He was panting slightly, eyes still fixed on some imaginary spot. It had been real, he was certain of it. They were out of that cloud, out of that nightmare but what he had seen could not be unseen.

District 12 was gone. It was nothing but ash and wreckage. He could smell the burning, hear the bombs as they fell. He was going to be sick. His stomach was turning and if he could move he certainly would be. For now he was just in shock.

"How..." The first word he had managed to say in minutes. Turning to look at Katniss, there was a mix of emotions plain on his face. "What...Katniss, it can't be real, right? It was just like everything else, wasn't it?"

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[ourshinycity]

He didn't hate her. He couldn't. He was hurt, betrayed and a million other things but he couldn't hate her. Oh he could hate the fact that she didn't tell him this, that she let him live in ignorance for a month without knowing he couldn't hate her.

Rubbing his face with his hands, Peeta took a deep breath exhaling roughly.

He opened his mouth to say that it was okay, but he stopped himself. It wasn't okay. There was no use in pretending. "Everyone I know is gone. I had the right to know that," he said a moment later, shaking slightly but his voice was calmer than it had been before. "It was my home too."

[burnwithus.livejournal.com]

"I didn't know how to tell you. On top of everything else." On top of Prim, and Finnick and the horrors of the war along with Peeta himself. Selfishly, I hadn't known if my mind could handle recounting what happened to 12 too. I feel my eyes sting but I am not going to cry, because Peeta's the victim here and I don't want any sympathy from him when he's the one who deserves it. In all fairness. I turn my head away slightly.

"The bombings were my fault." He deserves to know that, too.

[ourshinycity]

Another deep breath, clenching his hands together as he made himself keep it together. It was a lot to take in, on top of everything else. He had stupid had he been to think that he could just settle in here? Nothing in his life had ever been stable and whole.

This was just another missing piece. Peeta turned his head, catching what she said. Part of him wanted to hit her, but that thought was fleeting with guilt at thinking it following after. "No. They weren't. They just blamed you."

He didn't need to see the aftermath to understand that that was the logic behind it. She was a scapegoat, plain and simple.

[burnwithus.livejournal.com]

"They didn't make me fire the arrow." I know the truth, even if Peeta doesn't accept it. People died as a direct result of my actions, with every pull of the bowstring. Yet it seemed that this was the truth about everything I did back in 13. If I didn't perform well enough, the rebels would suffer. If I helped the rebels, they would hurt Peeta.

He doesn't know the things I wanted to do to protect him. I failed in Panem, and I couldn't fail again.

[ourshinycity]

"No. I didn't. But if you hadn't blown the arena up, they'd have found some other way to get things started."

It was cool and it was logical. It was the truth. That was just how those things were. People like Snow, people in power didn't need people like Katniss and himself to get what they wanted. They were going to have it no matter what, but the less it looked like they were moving the pieces the better.

That was the part that Peeta hated. The fact that once more, they were just pieces in a game.