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lucy

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The sun was beating down, the heat not as bad as it had been before the sudden downpour. The beach was still a bit damp, but the rain had been a blessed relief. The months where the change in weather would cause him to wonder what the Gamemakers were after had long since past. Now he could just enjoy the island as it was.

Sitting on the beach, his sketch pad was in his bag. Eventually he would take it out and work on filling in the colors of the landscapes he'd drawn, but not yet. For now he was just enjoying the moment.

A flash of long blonde hair caught his attention, the movement in the corner of his eye causing his heart to momentarily skip a beat. It made him think of Claire, whom he had no right to feel anything towards, not after so long. It made him think of Madge and her smile and the fact that he'd never see her again. It made him think of a lot of people, none of whom this woman was.

Lifting his hand he squinted as he shaded his eyes, making out her features as she moved across the sand. He had seen her before, heard her speak, but he couldn't recall her name if he had ever really known it. Usually he was good with those sorts of details and it irked him that he couldn't remember.

On an impulse he waved at her. "Hey," he called out across the sand, offering her a smile. "The weather cleared up nicely, didn't it?"

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The greeting took Lucy by surprise, though she smiled for it anyway, instinctively wandering closer. She had a tendency, when people disappeared, to shut down and close off, and being aware of it, meant to do things differently this time around. It wasn't going to do her any good. In this instance, she realized as she got closer that it wasn't even a stranger, anyway. She couldn't remember quite who he was or when they had met (unsurprising, given how many people were on the island, and how many she knew at least in passing), but it made her a little more inclined to be friendly.

Taking a seat just nearby, an old Army t-shirt of her brother's over her bathing suit, she nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it did," she said, "but then, it always does. You don't mind if I join you, do you?" Despite all her best efforts, she never had been very good at being alone.

If anyone had the right to shut people off, to be a pessimistic, it was Peeta. He had been to hell and back, almost literally, had lost all he had known and loved. It had changed him, but he wasn't going to let it change him for the worst. If anything it made him want to stick around, to prove that things got better after they got worse.

Shaking his head, he gave her an easy smile as he dropped his hand back down to his side. "No, I don't at all. Company would be nice."

"Alright," Lucy said, returning his smile at that. She could have said the same thing herself — she all but required it, these days, though that wasn't something she had any intention of admitting to anyone — but that didn't mean the same was going to be true for everyone. In this case, it just worked out well. "We've met before, haven't we? Like, a while ago."

"Yeah, we have." There was a pause as Peeta tried again in vain to remember. He couldn't nail down the specifics, but he had noticed that eventually everyone seemed to overlap. There had even been that brief stretch of time when he had had a clone here, someone who looked like him but was nothing like him at all.

Suddenly he wasn't as certain as he had been before. Perhaps she was remembering that other guy. "I mean, I think we have. You were on the Council, right?"

"Yep, I was," Lucy said, nodding. It wasn't often that was what she was recognized for — it happened less than she'd have expected, actually — but they did keep records of those things, and if their paths had crossed as long ago as she thought they had, then there was every chance she had actually been on the Council at the time. Much sooner and she would have remembered him, anyway. Usually, she was good with names and faces and the like, but some came and went so quickly that she couldn't keep track of them all. "Lucy. Lucy Carrigan."

"Lucy," he repeated, making himself remember it. He wouldn't have to ask her again. Peeta liked to remember things, made an effort to keep words handy. For a long time they had been the only skill that he'd had that was separate from his brothers. It was part of what kept him alive.

"Nice to meet you, Lucy." Folding his arms over his knees he smiled. "Peeta Mellark."

"Peeta," Lucy echoed in turn, lifting her chin in a slow half-nod. Hearing it now, it was like something clicked back into place, and made her feel a little less guilty for having forgotten. It was an odd name, but she thought she liked the sound of it, too. Somehow, it seemed fitting, if inexplicably so. "It's nice to meet you, too, Peeta. Again."

"Again," he repeated, finding it to be funny that on an island without so many people that he could meet and re-meet people all the time. It was something that made him wonder, able to find a joy in it. District 12 might always be his home, but moments like this always made him appreciate the ways in which this place was better.

"Enjoying your retirement?" Peeta cocked his head to the side slightly."Or just out for a stroll?"

"Both, I guess," Lucy said with a shrug, as lighthearted as it was possible for her to be. She wasn't enjoying much of anything these days, but she was trying, and she didn't think Peeta necessarily needed to hear all that had been going on in her life. There was no reason for him to care. Still, she was no good at pretending, and especially when it came to the island pulling tricks, she didn't want to. People needed to have the truth about these things. "It's... been kind of a rough little while, but today's a nice one, so there's that."

It might not be his place to worry or ask, but Peeta had always been empathetic. He reasoned that that was how he was good with words, able to explain thoughts and feelings because he could read people. Maybe it came from being the youngest, having to know what his parents and brothers were thinking in order to make the most of it. Maybe it was just something that came from nowhere.

Thinking about it wasn't going to do much good. Frowning thoughtfully, he studied her face for a moment. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said and he meant every word. "But yeah. It is. Sometimes nice days are good when things are rough. We didn't get many back home."

"Neither did I," Lucy said, soft, a little wistful. Maybe it was wrong to miss that time, but she did, so much that sometimes it hurt. At least then, she'd felt that she had a purpose, something to fight against when things were fucked up. This, having to just sit back and let things happen, was utter torture. "Not in the time just before I showed up, at least. But yeah, I... I'll be okay. Thank you, really." Peeta was nice, she thought. She could use more people like that in her life. Hell, she could use more people in general.

Whenever people said that they would be okay, Peeta wondered if that was true. He had claimed things that he wished were true, had declared them in front of a live audience, to the entire world and hoped that would somehow make them facts. It was just a believable lie, a fantasy that he could buy and sell.

Sometimes saying that you were fine was just easier. That was why he often claimed that. Nodding slightly, he cracked a faintly wider smile. "Seems that's the way for a lot of folks, so I've noticed. Nothing much compares to weather like this," he waved a hand towards the sun and sea. "But it's no problem. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"I wouldn't think you would," Lucy said, a thoughtful sort of observation. It wasn't that she thought he was implying otherwise, because there would have been no reason for that, but it seemed the sort of thing to say aloud anyway. Probably it was just because so many people were gone now, that she wanted to make the most of what she could while here. It was true, anyway. Peeta seemed the trustworthy sort, exuding a steadiness that she'd found herself inherently drawn to after having her life upended so many times. "But yeah. This is kind of hard to match up to."

It occurred to Peeta to point out that he wouldn't think that she would think of him at all, but he didn't say that. People were inclined to think whatever they'd like. If she wanted to believe that he was honest when it came to these things then it was her right. The fact that happened to also be true was just a benefit.

"It is. Though it will never be home." It wouldn't. The mountains weren't right and while there had been a fine layer of coal dust coating everything, District 12 had had its own kind of beauty. "It's kind of funny. It can try, but it's never the same, you know?"

"I do, actually," Lucy said with a slight nod, smiling a little, though it wasn't exactly a happy truth. It was just that she understood, and she tended to think that most people didn't. Either they were completely miserable here or they adapted fully, and she couldn't do either. "It's funny. I've lived here... God, almost a quarter of my life now, found something like a family, started a life, but... it still doesn't really feel like home. I'm not sure it ever could."

"Yeah, I get that." Peeta can't really imagine spending a quarter of his life here, but already he was closer to it than not. A quarter of his life would be roughly four years and he was already closer to two years than he was to one. It was going to happen eventually. One day he would wake up and realize that he had spent more time on this strange island in the past than he had in his home. "Maybe the moment that it does feel like home, is when we get sent back. Maybe that's how that works."

"Maybe," Lucy said, nodding slowly. She wasn't sure if she believed it or even if she wanted to, but it was an idea, and though it wouldn't make certain losses sting any less, it wasn't terrible to think about, either. If anything, it was a comfort, when she remembered Ryan and Max and some of the others. It just also wasn't fucking fair. "God, in that case, I'm screwed. I'm not sure I ever could feel like that. I guess it's a good thing I've already figured I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"You'll have me for company," he offered even though he wasn't entirely certain how much good that would do. They hardly knew each other, this was really the only conversation that they'd ever had. Peeta figured it was worth being said anyways, for no one liked the idea of being the only one who would be left. Not even if it was true. "I don't think I'm going anywhere either."

People always said that, Lucy thought, and they always fucking left anyway. She wanted to scoff, to say that he was probably wrong, but something about the statement touched her even so, prevented her from doing so. Whether or not he would actually stay, it was still well-meant, and coming from someone she hardly knew, it was even more appreciated. "I could use someone to stick around," she admitted, just this side of self-conscious. "Most people don't."

"Yeah, they really don't."

So far the losses that Peeta had endured hadn't been heart-breaking. There had been those that he had known, close friends and acquaintances but so far he hadn't lost anyone that would damage him beyond repair. Those people might have drifted from his life, losing some of their closeness, but he still was aware of them. That had to count for something.

Absently he started to sketch faint lines in the sand. "I don't think it can be helped. I'm pretty certain that saying we'll stay makes it more likely we'll go."

"If that were the case, I would've been gone a long time ago," Lucy pointed out with a wry twist of her lips, shifting a little in the sand, legs drawn up beside her. "If there's any order to it at all, I don't think we're supposed to know what it is." She still hated the idea that some unknown force might have had control over them, running their lives, but she wasn't sure if that was better or worse than it all just being random. Really, there was just no way to win.

The hint of her smile was echoed on his as he glanced up from the increasingly intricate pattern that was making on the sand.

"So would half of everyone," he said as a way of agreeing with her. Peeta didn't know if he would have been gone months ago or left to linger. It was better if he didn't think about it. It could drive him over the edge. "It's not bad. Either way. I've seen worse."

"Yeah," Lucy said, thoughtful. She had, too; though there were days it drove her crazy how nice this place was, with nothing to rail against, at least not that they had any sway over, it was something to be grateful for, too. The little girl she was helping to raise would never have to see war, young boys shipped out and sent home in coffins when there were any bodies to be found at all. Maybe she was too acquainted with loss already, but it could have been worse. "You and me both. So I guess we should be glad for it." It was clear from her tone that it was easier said than done.

Peeta was more willing to let his days of fighting for something slide behind him. He could admire those who tirelessly worked towards their goals and sometimes counted himself amongst that number. But there was no oppressive force here, just the stagnation of the day to day and he wasn't going to let that eat away at him. He didn't have to wonder if the Capitol would send troops in or if his mother was going to hit him for burning something. His life was his own.

"Probably," he commiserated with a nod. "It still sticks around though."

"Don't think there'd be any way for it not to," Lucy said. Truthfully, she wouldn't have even wanted there to be. All she'd seen and done and lived through was too much a part of her, too defining even after the years she had been here. To let go of that, to push it aside or make it lose its significance, would have been giving up her last connection to home and the people she loved there. "You know, what you do, it... makes you up."

"Yeah. It fills things in."

Peeta was all to aware that there was a version of him out there who not only was lacking a home, but was without a firm grip on reality to boot. That version of him had been brainwashed and destroyed seemed further away than District 12. He didn't think about home as anything really. It was just a place. "Not too bad. Could be worse."

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